Umm this girl really thinks she’s a queen i don’t know if I’m chill with that. I do know that I wanna serve a girl like that one day but it’s just another thing I’m confused about, cuz it’s just seems like if you give any person that type of power over you they just over time go towards taking advantage of it. Another thing, why am I always so torn between things?!? It’s just kind of bothers me to not be able to make decisions. And can you tell me why when people have asked me to make choices in the passed it seems as if I was often critisized for it or if it was an “either or” decision people liked to chose opposite of me? I know I’m not stupid I never was! And honestly i don’t ever want to be. I feel like I’m having a hard time….. Blah lol over it that was just a 10 minute ramble from me. I need to raise my status a little bit next year though cuz Im not getting any respect from people around me. Lord please help me find a way. I’m looking for the most efficient path for myself. I feel like lately you’ve been showing me all these dreams that have me excited about my life to come and I want to believe that you have something great in store for me as an individual. I don’t want to believe the world when they say that your constant desires can’t come true because I feel like all of mine should; I mean that is the power of the ham mind and will right? Hopfully it doesn’t fail me in anytime. Now that I think about it today was kind of a humbling day; referring to two of my addictions(smoke and girls). Is it just me god? This obcession I have with success and the thought of catching greatness? No, right? It is by your power that I have these constant thoughts? Is it just another lesson to be learned? Lol, I really hope not. Rather that it is a glimpse of what is to become of me. If it isn’t greatness, what is it? I suppose my personality does not fit it. Honestly my personality now is just nothing, a part of me feels like I am just part of the world and life is nothing more than an accident. Really hope not, cuz if I am to be true to myself being bad is so much more fun, on the other hand being good is pleasing too. Alright Ima end this confession here haha it 12:50 am.

PS: avoid the ruthless cuz I do not want to have to resort to being ruthless myself. Welllllll hope I find a way for that too. Haha alright back to peace, laters, until next time.